Whoa, baby

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen* designed a 39,000 dollar backpack http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-olsen-twins-make-a-backpack-only-the-olsen-twins-can-afford/

I feel:
You're in big trouble, mister(s)!
No way, Jose
Oh Please!
and Aww, Nuts!

Megacrazywealthy women I will never meet/could never possibly understand feel:
Don't Have A Cow!
and It Will Be My Pleasure

*I called them by their individual names because I acknowledge that they've previously stated that they didn't want to be called The Olsen Twins anymore.  Why?  Because maybe I actually like them.  Maybe, as recently as several years ago I used to buy any magazine they were on the cover of.  Maybe.  Don't look at me!

Lily's second doppelganger

My new favorite YouTube beauty vlogger...

          (what's that? You're surprised in a bad way that I watch YouTube beauty vlogs?  Me, too!)

zoella280390

is completely charming and stylish and the kind of British It-girl that makes me want to buy clothes from Topshop until I remember that I can't try them on and they would probably all look assy on me.  She already has tons of followers but I feel like I discovered her because I found out about her today.  I'm like the annoying person who wants to have discovered a band but with YouTube-lebrities.

also, she looks so much like Alyson Hannigan, that it's kinda nuts

which is too perfect because Lily loved British accents so much the gang gave her an intervention about it  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u743MDjXQmo  Ah, pop culture symmetry.

[image via http://www.tuicer.com]

Wil puts celebrity eccentricity in its place, but good

Despite Gawker Media's redesign theme of "Aggressively Confusing Hassle" I still tentatively venture into it  for two main things:
1) Richard Lawson.  Just anything he writes about anything.  His Real Housewives recaps are so good they, like, stand alone as literary works.  My writing gets shy and insecure when I think about his writing and it gets reallytinyandclosetogether.
2)  Jezebel's Midweek Madness gossip roundup.  (I can't even find it again to copy a link.  Oh, terrible site redesign, ya 'lil bastard!)
 I like to cut 'n paste quotes from the Midweek Madness and send them to Wil so we can giggle like school girls over them.  I mean, I giggle.  Wil maintains his s@#$.  And writes funny responses.

Like today I sent him this passage:
"Did you know that Cher turned seven bedrooms into one giant Indian/Moroccan style room? That's where she sleeps, you guys."  (Jezebel)

and he responded:
how were there seven bedrooms all touching correctly to turn into one sleepnasium?

sleepnasium!  and smile.

I Declare Myself President of the Ellie Kemper Fan/Insane Jealousy Club

The other day I was watching Get Him to the Greek and I noticed someone in a brief, line-less role and thought it might be Ellie Kemper (Erin from The Office).  A quick IMDB search later, it turns out it was Ellie Kemper and it also turns out that I'm insanely jealous of Ellie Kemper.

Look at her here,

is she not delightful?
Is she not what anyone has ever meant when they used the term "fresh" (about people, not produce)?

Did you know, in addition to being the cutest gal around and actually funny on The Office, she's a writer who has written for The Onion and McSweeney's Internet Tendency among other things? Oh, hello, my dream life, how does it feel to belong to Ellie Kemper?

She's written "conceptual humor" pieces.  I barely understand what conceptual humor is, but I wish I did and I wish I wrote it.  I tried to write something to submit to McSweeney's but I'm pretty sure it sucked.  It was about Marcel Duchamp making a You Tube haul video.  It was definitely concept-y but it was not at all "funny."

Just watch this and read this and if you're not as smitten as I am, I totally don't get you at all.


[Photo from Princeton University in 2002]

Um, no.

So, retroactive product placement is happening.

"I feel weird.  No, not just Canadian weird.  Future-y weird."

You know how there aren't nearly enough advertisements everywhere? If you're ever able to look at something and it doesn't remind you to buy something else, advertising is failing.  And when advertising fails, Don Draper releases single icy cold tear that falls down the inside of his cheek.  (You think Don Draper would allow his tear to be visible?  Please.)

Did you know sitcom reruns contain acres and acres of unclaimed ad real estate?  Imagine how many NASCAR logos could be digitally plastered across Dan Conner's enormous plaid shirts.  Why couldn't D.J. Tanner's bedroom walls display a Justin Beiber poster or two?  Especially in the early seasons from before he was born.  Mind-bendy!

Those scenarios are ridiculous and implausible.  This similar thing actually happened.  An ad for a 2011 movie, Zookeeper, was digitally inserted into a 2007 episode of How I Met Your Mother.  In one scene, where there used to be empty space behind Robin's head, there is now a magazine promoting a movie that didn't exist yet. This is troubling for a few reasons.
1.  Wrong product for the show:  Zookeeper is a Kevin James vehicle featuring talking, matchmaking animals and undoubtedly piles and piles of hilarious feces.  I haven't seen it because it's not out yet and because I'm not an a@##$%$ but it's probably awful.  It's probably lazy and humorless and not at all in keeping with the spirit of HIMYM which is a thoughtful, inventive, frequently outstanding show.
2.  Wrong show for retroactive product placement: This would be silly, morally itchy sign of our times regardless of what show it was done to.  But to do it HIMYM is extra offensive.  This is a show that thrives on geeky attention to detail and intricately plotted time lines.  One episode, "Bad News," contained a series of semi-hidden descending numbers for the audience to find.  This kind of picky noticing is a staple of the show and part of the fun.  Also, did I mention the intricately plotted time lines?!  This is a show that routinely weaves in and out of time and does a meticulous job maintaining continuity.  Adding an artifact from the future to this show is just...no.
3. Wrong thing to do at all ever, probably.

[image via http://consumerist.com]

Hoffsicles have too many sadcalories

I just saw David Hasslehoff licking a popsicle* molded in a pretty detailed David Hasslehoff likeness (like a tiny raspberry statue) on The Soup.

This stand-Hoff will last until someone melts.

At first I thought maybe it was a nod to his own silliness like something William Shatner might do.  But then he slurred unintelligible things about how normal he is and made everything super sad.

Also, I adore The Soup and saw Joel McHale do stand-up once and it was awesome.

Also, Community is one of the funniest shows of ever.

That is all.

*did you know Popsicle** is supposed to be capitalized?  I guess it's one of those genericized trademarks like Kleenex that has become colloquial description. Read about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genericized_trademark and the NBC "The More You Know" campaign shooting star will dart across the night sky behind your head.  Also, you will discover that (spoiler alert) heroin used to be a trademarked Bayer product.  The past is creepy!
**Also, I found Popsicle defined somewhere as "an ice lolly."  Isn't that adorable?  Lolly.  Hee.


[image via http://www.thefrisky.com]