Season 6, episode 6 "What a Difference a Year Makes" starts out with Vicki wanting the biggest boat for her family's boat outing. (This pretty much sums up the essence of The Real Housewives franchise. Every character on every episode of every season wants the MOST or BIGGEST or somethingIEST possible. One of my favorite moments in the peripheral Housewives universe is this old VH1 special, My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding, in which Dina Manzo spends upwards of a million dollars on her wedding and says utterly amazing things like "you know, I just want it to be bigger than any cake any one has ever seen...in their life.")
Isn't it cute how Vicki thinks this time, this time! she's going to leave work at the office and just enjoy her family. I'm rooting for her but I also believed them when they all swore there'd be no drama this time at the everything. And of course, she starts right in picking on some guy for having the gall to be fishing. Basically, Vicki is a person who is easily threatened. She's threatened by new people and poor people and non-English speaking people and people who are flashily attractive. But most of all, Vicki is threatened by leisure. She only participates in leisure activities that require lots of money or feel exclusive because those things remind her of all the work she did to earn them. But no matter what she's technically doing, she's either thinking about work or thinking about how she's trying not to think about work. Trust.
oh, unless she's drunk. Then it's a f@#$%^& free for all.
Over in Tamraland, boyfriend Eddie (who I swear has the exact same grin as Ed Helms' Andy on The Office) arrives to pick her up to whisk her off to Spain. They are both dressed like Dane Cook and there's a pink neck pillow in the mix because these women are nothing if not committed to their little girl obsession with pink. And whooshing cut to Alexis hanging out with Gretchen and for some reason their faces are much more dressy than their outfits. They both look really pretty in this scene maybe because their workout makeup is a bit more natural than the Garish Old French Whore look they favor for nights out. Someone's dog whimpers and I can relate. This scene is a snooze.
Back on the boat, Vicki is still trying to make her blended work-family/family-family happen. Donn's wearing a captain's hat and everyone's giggling so maybe everything's gonna be okay? Nope! Unfortunately for everyone, Vicki can't stop saying "clients."
Over at Gretchen and Slade's, Slade has gone full Jordan Catalano with his hairdo. They're planning a vow-renewal ceremony for Gretchen's parents and Gretchen talks a lot really fast. It's supposed to be funny because she's talking so fast and Slade is just trying to keep up. Women! Right?
Okay, I totally drifted off for a few scenes and then Vicki bent down and spanked her assistant. But it's okay, audience, because she did it out of love. See, she loves her assistant and thinks of her as one of her kids and when she's with her real family talks endlessly about work. Confusing!
There's a sign on the surprise Mustang gift car that says "Sorry, I'm supposed to be white." Because if you are too dumb to notice the inadvertently racist connotations of your signs then they don't count. "Thank god for Slade" Gretchen says, like it's a totally normal thing to say, like she isn't the first person in the entire world to think this much less say it.
Next week on The Real Housewives Orange County...Vicki moves into her office and no one notices, Tamra splits into two smaller Tamras (each equally hot) and Alexis speaks in tongues at The Gap.
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